I didn't realise that it was so long that I had not written. Thanks for the two reminders. It is because of my decision to have three blogs - in Hindi, in English and in Italian and because of my promise to myself, of writing different things in each blog. There is only so much time in a day and life has many other important things, besides writing blogs!
Before we had left for India on the Christmas day, I was writing daily in the Hindi blog and perhaps, once in a fortnight in English and Italian. Coming back from India was not easy this time, it was very traumatic, perhaps because underneath there was this feeling that all of us will not be together like this for a long long time, perhaps never again. When we came back, I was depressed. Even now, a month later, every now and then, that feeling of depression still comes back.
Coming back to writing blogs, something happened. Rini didi said that she had read the first draft of my book and she liked it. Of course, she said, there was still lot to work on it, but she knew the different characters, their lives, their problems. I had written that in 2004 and then forgotten about it. That was it. It told me that I must go back and write that book.
And, I have gone back to it, this time writing it in Hindi. An hour or two every day. It takes an hour to write half a page and probably it would take me years to finish it. But this means that there is even less time to write blogs now!
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Coming to the book, I am looking for a volunteer transvestite. One of the characters in the book is a transvestite. I think of him as "he", someone who feels to be a man even if he likes to dress and act as a woman. But I am not sure if this actually reflects on the reality of transvestites.
On Italian TV once I saw a programme with someone called Eva, a very nice looking transvestite from Bologna, who had a sex change operation and she had said that she felt wrong in a man's body, she felt like a woman trapped in a man's body. Is that the way majority of transvestites feel? Is it not realistic to think of my character as a man, who thinks of himself essentially as a man, who does not want to change his sex?
At one level, I feel that writing is my immagination, it is "my" creation and I can't let it be limited by reality or perceptions of others. I mean, what does it matter if majority of transvestites feel like women trapped in men's bodies? I can still have "my" transvestite, a man in a man's body who likes to dress and be a woman sometimes, but who can also be a man sometimes?
On the other hand, I think that my imagination may be limited by own experience and knowing the lives and feelings of real persons, can be infinitely richer and interesting. And, knowing about them or reading what they feel about themselves can be a much better starting point for developing the character.
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In a way, writing is like being an actor. It gives you the opportunity to be different persons, to think like other persons and to try to look at life from their eyes. Perhaps, it is easier compared to acting because you can do it in your privacy so it does not really threaten you or those around you. Being an actor you are more likely to be identified by the role you play, while in writing you write different characters and be different persons at the same time.
The transvestite is only a minor character in the book but that does not really matter. What matters is that it gives me an opportunity to get intimate with something in a way that most other persons can not have.
Another character in the book is passionate about prehistorical rock paintings. It has been opportunity to read and learn about prehistorical rock paintings. Thank god, there is internet that brings every thing at a click. Wonder how did the writers managed to research their subjects before there was internet?
But the internet is not a good way to search for my volunteer transvestite who can share his diary with me. The word in a search engine takes me to a jungle, where talking about feelings is the last thing on any one's mind.
