Happy Monday!
So, last Friday we talked about "friends with benefits." Let's just say that topic sparked some interesting conversation - both on AND off the blog. So let's keep the party going shall we?
Let me start by admitting that I finally watched a FULL episode of "For the Love of Ray J." Yes, you read right. I watched it. (Su, pick your jaw up off the floor) My friend Su knows how much I detest these ridiculous dating shows on tv - especially the VH1 ones. Flava Flav, I Love New York, Rock of Love...all of them are straight buffoonery to me. But I watched Ray J after Tough Love last night while trying to think of something to blog about.
Ray J eliminated "Chardonnay" (these names kill me). He said they were more "homies" than lovers. He said that he had love for her - not the romantic kind of love...but "family" love. He just wasn't that into her.
Now, the other girls were needy, manipulative...and crazy. But he had a "connection" to them. "Connection" to me translates into "chemistry" - sexual. He might have had some type of physical attraction to Chardonnay, but it wasn't strong enough to the point where he could see himself with her. I'm curious if he really sees himself with ANY of them, but I digress...
Anyway, that got me to thinking. Can you have great sex and great friendship all wrapped into one? I wonder because, like we said Friday, "friends with benefits" would seem to be the ideal situation...right? What is that thing that separates friends from lovers - and romantic feelings? Can you have sex with a friend that you truly love...even if that love is only as a "play cousin?" What makes you consider someone a friend vs. a partner?
It seems the best combination is the "homie, lover, friend" - but is that really hard to come by? I would have put the video up, but I'm not giving R. Kelley's simple ass any more shine than I already have. But the lyrics make sense.
She can kick back with da homies.
She can relate to my sex drive.
Isn't that what we all want? What men want anyway? :-) If we're homies, and we please each other sexually, what lands a woman in the "friend zone?" Usually with women, a man who lands in the "friend zone" couldn't even smell it, let alone get some nooky. But men can get busy with the female homie like nothing. Women catch feelings, men keep it moving. Well...generally speaking.
Or maybe we just THINK that we're the total package. Just because we're friends, can talk about anything, got each other's back and can rock each other's world DOESN'T mean we're exactly what the other person is looking for. Maybe there is some magic list of "non-negotiables" that we don't measure up to completely. What is that "thing" the other person HAS to have in order for us to cross the line from friendship to romantic love?
So, questions to you all:
What makes the perfect "homie, lover, friend?"
Is it possible, or how hard is it, to walk away from someone who is doing you exactly the way you like it?
Why is it so hard to get both good sex and a good relationship with the same person?
Or is it? Do any of you have the perfect "homie, lover, friend?"
Break it down...
-b
