TGIF!!!
So, I caught a cold. I always catch one right before I go on vacation, never fails. I'm gonna fight it and beat it and be well just in time for my trip...mind over matter!
So last night I was browsing through the latest issue of Essence Magazine - the one with the beautiful Jennifer Hudson on the cover. In it, there's an article titled "The Body Shop" that details the lengths women go to to get a man, or please the one they have. It speaks of body image issues, video vixen models with phat booties, male fantasies and pole dancing. It's about the "growing pursuit of sexual perfection."
One section of the article is headlined: "If I were better in bed..." Here is an excerpt:
Carmen Brown showed up for the seminar about sex after a boyfriend told her, "Your head game is not at all up to par." If you think her man had unusually high expectations, think again. We polled twenty-and thirtysomething Black men to see what they were expecting in the bedroom and heard similar responses. Aaron, a 31-year-old computer programmer, wants a woman to brush up on her bedroom skills before hitting the sheets with him too. "She can study a couple of pornography films on her own and try to learn some skills via imitation," he suggests. Maxwell, a 33-year-old entertainment executive, expressed outrage at the idea of a woman performing oral sex poorly or not at all. "A woman should be committed to the act," he asserted. "That's the only way she's going from wifey to wife."
Wow...okay...
So that got me to thinking - if your man or woman wanted to send you to a Sex Performance School, would you go? If your boo wasn't all that great in bed, would you send them to a seminar to learn the ropes? Even if it meant they'd be "practicing" with someone else? hmmm...
We'd all like to think that our game is tight when it comes to sex, but if you had to really think about it, are there any areas you could use improvement?
For example, I'm not much of a "dirty talker." I make noise...I can definitely be LOUD...but I don't really "talk." And my phone sex skills might be a little rusty too. I've heard I have a nice voice, but I'm no Girl 6. I feel like the man has to really bring it out of me in order for me to go there. I usually feel silly if a sex call is initiated by someone else. If you catch me off guard, I start to giggle. I'm just not an erotic chatterbox. I always think of phone sex as limited to those who are in long distance relationships or who are celibate and that's how they release. But it shouldn't be limited to those extreme circumstances. Phone sex should be spontaneous and fun, not a daunting task or obligation. Now if I could only find someone to practice with :)
The last time I engaged in a little dirty talk, I was laying on my couch in kitty kat pajamas and fuzzy slippers with a scarf on my head. But in his mind, I was laying on the bed with satin sheets and nothing on but stilettos :) I think the fuzzy slippers were a little too comfy, and that's probably why I might not have been that into it or good at it that night :) So, I decided to take some initiative and think of ways I could improve my dirty talk skills if the occasion for me to use them ever...uh..."arises" ;) Here we go...
1. Set the mood - If he calls out the blue, then you might not have time to yank the curlers out of your hair and spray perfume on your body. But if you're planning a sex talk session, then set the mood by taking a nice, long hot bath. Oil yourself down and light some candles. Dim the lights and pick up the phone. It's probably easier to talk sexy when you feel sexy.
2. Make sure you're descriptive - I find that men like to know how turned on you are: hot, horny, hard nipples, body aching, heart beating between your legs, throbbing, etc. If you're not really feeling it, grab BOB out the nightstand drawer and GET TURNED ON. He might even like hearing the "bzzzzz" in the background (unless it's Annamaria's taser)...but you can always use it BEFORE you call if you feel self conscious about it :) If you have porn, even better! Put it on and watch it while you're talking to him and describe what you see.
3. Tell him exactly what he wants to hear - lie, lie and lie! He'll lap it up. If you don't feel like setting the mood, let him at least think you did...they'll never know ;-) Ask questions to see what state he's in and ask him what he wants. "Do you wanna squeeze my ________ Big Daddy?" - make him answer you...between grunts and moans that is :) LOL
4. If you find talking about licking difficult, imagine licking a chocolate ice cream and describe it. Use props if you have to...and your imagination. Close your eyes and let your mind go there.
5. Speak clearly, but seductively - say the world's filthiest words with the emphasis on the end; 'k' and 'c' noises are evocative.
6. Never forget it's the man's state of arousal you are with, not the man. In other words, when he's excited, make him believe only you have the power to satisfy him and his desires. Make him your bitch...in a good way :) LOL!!
7. Pay attention to him - if his breathing starts to stagger, and you hear these weird sounds going over there, keep going! Step it up, join in, climax with him! Get as excited as he is..and...wait for it...wait for it...."UGGGHHH!!!" Such a rewarding feeling :-) LOL!
I'm gonna stop here so you all can add to my list (and before I get all tingly at work) LOL. I need all the help I can get, so men, feel free to chime in. I'm willing to learn!
Have a great weekend everyone!
-b
