Happy Monday everyone!
I'm sorry I didn't send out my usual email posting a link to the day's blog on Friday. I had to attend an offsite meeting all day and was no where near a computer - and my blackberry was acting up. Friday's blog was one of my usual surveys, and if you missed it, I'd love for you all to go back and check it out and respond. I love reading your answers to those, so if you have time...
My internet is also acting funky at home, so I wasn't able to write this blog last night - so sorry today's is late. But I wanted to write about dating...or what we THINK is dating.
A friend and I were discussing dating: who usually does the asking, fear of rejection, all that stuff. It occurred to me that I never really asked a man on a date FIRST, even though I've asked after the fact. I was then told that asking a man on a date AFTER I already knew that he liked me doesn't really count, because there's no fear of rejection involved. Good point...I can see that.
So then I took a poll of my friends that have asked guys on dates first, and some have told me that they have. Something like...
Friend: Yeah, I've asked a guy out before. I invited him over to watch the fight.
Me: So that was a date?
Friend: Of course it was, don't you think so?
Me: Not really. Did he ever take you out on a date after that?
Friend: Yes, he cooked me dinner.
Me: (sigh) Okay, but did he take you OUT anywhere after that?
Friend: Well...uh...lemme think.
Me: Never mind.
It occurred to me that a lot of my friends and I might have it twisted when we think we're "dating" or "seeing" someone. Are these "dates," a "hang-out" or simply an attempt to get the ass? You decide.
1. A Blockbuster Night. If a dude says he has dvd's and brings alcohol, is that really a "date"? I mean, I know we're in a recession and all, so getting dressed up and going to a restaurant may not always be possible - but is bringing over your Netflix pic of the month a date?
2. Watching the Game/Fight Party. Okay, you call up your dude on Sunday afternoon to ask what he's doing. If he's like most red-blooded American men, and it's football season, chances are he's watching the game...ANY game...SOME where. He actually picks up the phone, tells you he's watching the game (or about to go watch it somewhere) and you say, "I wanted to watch that game too." He says, "Okay, well you can come through if you want." You put on your cutest "game" outfit, some flirty lip gloss and head over to his spot or the sports bar where he is. Is that a date? You'd be surprised how many women I know think so. Coming over to watch the fight, especially if it's a party where there are a bunch of folks, may not qualify either.
3. Running Errands with him. If he asks you if you wanna tag along while he pays bills, goes to the bank, to drop off something at his mama's house or to the mall with him to buy sneakers - no, that's not a date. Just because y'all pick up Mickey D's along the way and he pays for it doesn't count.
4. Inviting you to hang over his boy's crib. No...not even close.
5. Home Cooked Meals. Now, this could be tricky. It depends on what the meal is. If he heats up some leftovers or orders Chinese, that's not a date. But if he actually had to go to the supermarket, prepare a marinade the night before, spend a few hours in the kitchen, lit some candles, had some nice music playing in the background and had flowers for you - then yes, you can consider that a date. He gets points if it actually tastes like the best meal you've ever had...and DOUBLE points if he doesn't try to get some and takes you home afterwards.
Now, don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that all of the above scenarios aren't cool or that a man is trying to get in the panties if he does any of those things. Like I said, we're in a recession, so fancy dates that require you to go OUT might not always be possible. But just because you have no money doesn't mean you can't be creative and look for free, fun things to do OUTSIDE of the house.
And if you've already established a relationship or are comfortable with each other already (ie: he's your husband, boyfriend, friend with benefits) - then you can get away with doing any of the above.
But if you're in the courting, "getting-to-know-you" stage - then girlfriends, pay attention. Just because you're "seeing" him doesn't mean you're "dating" him - so just call it what it is, and have fun doing whatever it is you're doing. And fellas, if you took offense to any of these "date" ideas, then you need to get over it and step your pimp game up if this is all you can come up with. Jus sayin.
-b
