Father's Day is this Sunday, so I thought I'd get some perspectives this week from a few daddies that I know and love. Today's blog is written by someone I respect dearly. He just started commenting on the blog (he came out for the Kobe post), so you may not be too familiar with him. But to us SU heads, he's D - fellow alum. He also serves in our military and just got back from Iraq...and will be getting married in a couple weeks. Please join me in thanking him for his service to our country, congratulating him on his upcoming nuptials, and showing him some love on his post today. Introducing Dwayne "DMurray" Murray.
Fatherhood in the Military...by DMurray
I had a discussion with Brooke about two weeks ago about fatherhood - about the difficulties that fathers face. Our conversation prompted me to share my experiences as a father with blog membership, so here I go.
First of all, I want to acknowledge that being a single mother is not easy. There are challenges of being the mother AND the father in the interaction with children. I believe that children need both parents. Of course, I assume both parents are of sound body and mind and not abusive. A bad parent is not better than no parent at all...with bad being subjective.
As far as I am concerned, boys need their fathers. Fathers set the example in the household. I am not saying that we are the missing link, and I do not suggest that children without fathers or male role models cannot be successful. But there is no substitute for good old fashioned parenting. It does take a village...but with two good parents, the whole village will not be stressed.
I could go on and on about having two good parents (the debate can begin now), but what I really want to talk about are the challenges of being a single dad and being in the military. I love my son more than life itself, but there was no amount of love that could keep his mother and I together. We both did things wrong, and our divorce only came as a surprise to him. That was more than 3 years ago, and as I am 13 days away from remarrying, I am reminded of how important it is to let my son know how much I love him.
The challenge is doing that in the midst of multiple deployments, separation, long hours and all the other challenges that are the military. Oh, and we don’t even live in the same time zone. Sure being a father is hard, being a father not with the child’s mother is a challenge - but the trifecta is serving in the military at the same time.
One of the sayings they have in the Army is, “if they wanted you to have a family, they would have issued you one.” I am not complaining - I love my job, I love what I do and would not change it for the world. My son thinks I do great work for our country. I picked him up from the airport on Saturday and he was wearing the same dogtags I gave him before I went to Iraq over 18 months ago. He told me he was supporting the troops.
This message is to fathers - be the best dad you can be. Give your kids the best opportunity to be great, even if that means you have to be a better man yourself. You owe it to them...they did not ask to be here. That may mean dealing with the ex, or baby momma, with dignity and strength. That may also mean showing him/her how to handle adversity. Remember, you are always on stage for them...always.
Happy Father’s Day!
DMurray
