Hola mi gente!
I hope everyone had a fantastic weekend!
I neglected to congratulate my best friend Val and her husband Chris last week on the blog - they welcomed their third son into the world last Thursday, June 11th, and he's the most adorable baby ever!
As I sat and ogled her brand new baby in her hospital room, something she said struck me. "Now I know my family is complete."
At age 36, Val was done. No more babies. She was content.
At age 36, I'm no where even near that. No prospects in sight. Zero.
In my mind, I'm 27 years old, so maybe that's why I don't hear my clock ticking as loud as some other women my age do. Growing up, I never dreamt of having children. It wasn't until my late 20's when I was in a relationship with a man who I could actually see myself having kids with that I began to even consider it. It wasn't that I hated kids - anyone who knows me knows that is far from true - but it was just never something on the forefront of my mind.
That being said, I was never that chick who dreamt of what her wedding day would be like either. No white dress, flowers, throwing of bouquets. It was never on my mind. Not that I was opposed to marriage, it was just something I never gave much thought to.
Nowadays, I can see myself more as a mother than a wife. I think the maternal instinct in me is natural, whereas marriage and unconditional love with someone who doesn't share your blood takes work. Not that parenting isn't hard work, but I think it's easier to love and sacrifice for something that came out of you.
While my clock isn't blowing up, I realize I do have to give it some serious thought. A married friend of mine who has gone through painful, nauseating rounds of in vitro fertilization in order to have her twins told me this - "If you want to be a mother...if you can do it, and do it naturally, then do it...husband be damned." She told me that fertility drops significantly after age 38, and every year thereafter you run the risk of health problems for yourself and the baby - if you even get pregnant at all.
Talk about blowing my "27 in my mind" high. My gynecologist is no better. Every exam has her looking at me sideways like, "I see you had another birthday my dear, when are you gonna meet a nice man?" I feel like saying, "b*tch, please just poke around and do what you gotta do and mind your own damn business." I appreciate her concern, but she's working my nerves.
But she's right. I need to make a decision, and come up with plan. If by age 38 there is no significant man in my life, I may need to find someone to go half on a baby. Yeah, I said it...and y'all can talk about me all you want. But hey, it is what it is.
So far, I have 3 possible baby daddies. When I asked them, they all said they'd be willing to donate their sperm...only if we did it the natural way. Well, if I'm gonna be a single mom, then free sounds really good right about now :-) So natural it is. Everyone always says, "maybe you can adopt." Imagine the application: Single, makes "x" amount of money, woman seeking a kid. DENIED.
So, now to find the baby daddy ;)
Well, first he must be clean...and I mean of disease. Not trying to have my baby making project interrupted by some nasty STD. Ewwww. We'd need to test, re-test, and then test again before anything could jump off.
In that same vein, he has to come from a pretty decent gene pool. Recovering heroin addicts with alcoholic parents can kick rocks. And I'm not saying he has to be a brain surgeon who works part-time as a male model - but if he's smart, and funny and reasonably good looking...that would help ;)
Second, he'd have to be single. Maybe there's some chick out there who is so secure in herself and her relationship that she'd let her man get busy with some other woman at least 5 to 6 times a month during her ovulation period and then impregnate her out of the kindness of his heart - but I've never met her. I don't think she exists.
Third, he'd have to be trustworthy and reliable. By this I mean ready to drop everything at the drop of a hat to come fertilize me when I say so. This requires commitment. I'm not sure if I ovulate like clockwork or not, so he'd have to focus and have plenty of Red Bull on hand. He can't be out of town on business, can't be going to visit his jump-off and no headaches. Not romantic in the least, and sounds very technical...but unless he's on his deathbed, he'd better cum correct ;)
Lastly, he has to be able to be reasoned with. We can draw up a contract and discuss expectations, but since the laws of parental rights are changing all the time, a contract may not hold up in court. I want to have a baby daddy I know well enough where we can discuss things civilly and rationally.
So, I think the 3 possibles fit this criteria. Funny...when this discussion came up, I thought I'd get the first confused, then baffled, then shocked response. But surprisingly, all seemed rather cool with it - they all said yes without hesitation.
Hmmm...should I be worried about that?
None asked what I expected of them, if I wanted money, what duties they'd have to share or how long it would take. All just naturally assumed they'd be a part of the child's life and would take on the responsibility that a father naturally would. This surprised me, but it's good to know that there are men out there who would expect nothing less.
However, what warmed my heart even more was their answer to MY question.
"Why did you say yes?"
All of their answers were the same...
"Because I think you'd make a great mother."
Wow. What a compliment. And quite honestly, it never occurred to me that someone would have their own list of criteria for choosing a baby mama. I was flattered that someone found me worthy to carry their child.
So...with all of that said, I have logically come up with a plan for "Operation Half on a Baby." Now if I could just shake this feeling that I have all the time in the world, I'd be good. I don't see myself as an aging, baby-crazy spinster. And honestly, I haven't given up on true love. I guess I'm just hoping that biology won't give up on me.
Ask me again in 2 years if I still wanna go half on a baby. Who knows what my answer will be. My life is full of amazing children right now that I couldn't love more than if I had birthed them myself - so we'll see if my clock is ticking LOUDER, or if it stops altogether by then. I can sit here and tell you all the plans I have and make it all sound really smart. But you know what they say - if you want to make God laugh, tell Him what your plans are :)
-b
