Happy Monday!
I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend - the weather was great here in the NYC - perfect for a bridal shower and bachelorette party! A dear friend of mine will be getting married in a few weeks, so we all gathered Saturday for a night of fun.
A couple of my male friends, upon finding out that I had gone to a bachelorette party, asked me to "spare them the details." The rest, however, seem to have no clue as to what we ladies do at bachelorette parties, or they think that it's all tea and crumpets.
While most women don't wanna REALLY know what goes on at bachelor parties, we kinda have an idea. Drinking, strippers, strip clubs, butt naked hos, drinking, sex, drinking....more hos. At least that's what we think anyway. And don't let the men go "away" somewhere for the weekend....forget about it.
A new world will be built before a man tells you what happened at the bachelor party - what happens at the party, STAYS at the party. However, none of them seem to think anything sordid happens at bachelorette parties. They think it's just a bunch of girls sitting around throwing singles at a man dancing to Ginuwine's "Pony" (the standard stripper cowboy song)...and for the most part, that's true. They may not know or ask about the "hot seat" or the "massage" - but they think it's all good, clean fun.
...and it is....ahem....depending on where you go or who's throwing the party.
I asked a few guys what they think happens at bachelorette parties...and these are some of the responses I got:
Naked Pillow Fight.
- Okay, I think this was just his fantasy. He thought we stripped down to our thongs and lacy bras, wrestled in jello and then got drunk and made out with each other. Sorry dude...don't mean to disappoint you...but that doesn't happen. Like....EVER.
Chippendales.
- If you're envisioning us sitting around a table sipping on Kettle One and cranberry through penis straws watching cornball Fabio lookalikes gyrate offbeat to corny stripper music, think again. Yes, we do have the straws, but the men are usually oiled down, muscled up and can dance their naked asses off. At least the ones I've been to. Yes, they're your typical firefighters, policemen, officer and a gentlemen or cowboy characters, but they got SKILLZ. The firefighter who danced to J. Holiday's "Bed" on Saturday night could get it! I mean, I might've had his baby. Yes, a lot of men who dance at the strip clubs are gay, but THAT night...he was whatever we wanted him to be.
For the most part, we simply watch for the tricks they do. And if he can lift up 3 women at one time, pin one against the wall while he twirls another one in his hand, or can put you in a crazy sexual position and then molest, lick, fondle, bite, rub, tickle, suck (toes usually) and make them all feel....well...special....then we're makin' it rain. ***clapping hands**** BRAVO!!!
Sex Instructors or Sex Toy Parties.
- Yes, some women do invite over a sex instructor who spits poetic about the wonders of dildos, vibrators, toys and lubes, and schools you on how to incorporate them into your bedroom acrobatics. She may even give a "how to" lesson on oral sex.
...yawn....
Don't we know this stuff already? I mean, if you're getting married, chances are we've explored all that already...right? Maybe that's just MY friends ;)
But hey...if you want to sit around and have a "booty parlor" party while nibbling on crust-less sandwiches and pay for such instructions - I'm available (that's a good side hustle!)
Dinner and Bar Hopping.
Yes, the night usually starts off tame enough. We adorn the bride with any type of sexually charged and/or embarrassing trinket that we can think of. Although cliche by now, the condom-laden veil or tiara is an ever-popular choice, followed by dozens of penis pops stuck to her outfit, accompanied by the "Blushing Bride" sash worn ever so elegantly across her chest. That's so everyone out on the street knows who she is and why we're acting a fool.
however....
Once the drinks starts flowing, then the "bar hopping" can get interesting. Men LOVE watching a bunch of women out on her "last night of freedom" and will do anything to participate in the evening's festivities. That's where the "scavenger hunt" comes in :-)
The scavenger hunt involves her bridesmaids/girlfriends making a list of things that she has to get or do throughout the course of the evening. She may have to get a guy to give her his boxers; she may have to consume a body shot off a stranger's belly button; or she may even have to kiss a guy who has the same name as her future husband. The possibilities for this one are endless - it all depends on how far her friends can and will make her go.
Some women even make the bride-to-be go to a gentleman's club and strip as a dare. There are clubs that allow that sometimes you know. Just make sure it's not the same club her fiance will be for his bachelor party...talk about awkward...YIKES!
Anyway, some of my lady friends may think that I've told too much. But for the most part, I don't think I really divulged anything that most men couldn't guess anyway. There was nothing scandalous, vulgar or embarrassing revealed - just good, honest fun (even though I hope this past weekend's photos never see the light of day). A bachelorette probably won't go home with a stranger or call her ex or do anything else she wouldn't be able to tell her fiance about. Most brides-to-be are looking forward to starting her new life with her boo, while the groom-to-be, with help from his boys, is savoring every last drop of his single life and is looking for one last....whatever. So...I'm sure what we do STILL doesn't compare to what happens at bachelor parties...maybe ;)
Perhaps one of the guys will be brave and share what went down at their bachelor party, or a hot party they've been to recently. Ladies, do we wanna know? They're not obliged to tell us...and I get that. And hey, if they don't have to, we don't either. It's all tea and crumpets anyway :-)
-b
